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Script
DAY 1
[Narrator introduces the skit.  Play "Dragnet" CD.]
 
NARRATOR:  "This is the city, Honolulu.  A bustling town in the Hawaiian Islands, filled with vacationing tourists from all over the world who come for the ocean and sun, excitement and fun.  But like most places in this world of ours, there are, unfortunately, the occasional criminals who prey on these unsuspecting site seers.  That's where I come in.  My name is Sergeant PO ALIMA, which happens to mean 'Friday' in Hawaiian.  I'm a cop, I carry a badge."

"It was the summer of 2003, when two tourists, brothers Don and Hardley Worthit, went on their summer vacation to the beautiful islands of Hawaii.  On the second to the last day of their trip, they came to one of Hawaii's smaller remote islands to explore.  It is here that our story begins.  The names have not been changed, because only one is really innocent."

Scene 1:
A:  [Play the "Odd Couple" CD.]
Don and Hardley come out exploring and looking around the stage.  Hardley is singing Jamaican songs, and Don tells him to cut it out, that they are in Hawaii, not Jamaica. (If you can find a toy squirt camera, have Hardley tell Don to go and stand next to the palm tree so he can take a picture of him.   Hardley then squirts Don and the kids).  While they are exploring, Don finds an empty bottle.  They decide to put a note in it and throw it into the ocean.  While looking for a piece of paper, Don tells Hardley to go look by the main mast.  (Hardley is standing next to the main mast).  Hardley asks, "What's a main mast?"  Don says, "Are you trying to tell me that you don't know what a main mast is?"  Hardley says, "I wouldn't know a main mast if it came up and hit me."  (Someone from behind stage takes the main mast and hits Hardley with it).  They continue to look for a piece of paper.  Hardley finds one, but complains that it has scribbles on it.  As Hardley begins to throw it away, Don grabs it and explains that it is a treasure map.  Just then, Capt. Crook looks out from behind the stage, and then ducks back.  Hardley sees Crook and jumps frightfully into Dons arms telling him he saw somebody.  Ignoring Hardley's concern, Don drops him to the ground, and returns his attention to the map.  After a brief study of the map, they decide to follow it and see if there really is a treasure.  They run into each other and argue about which way to go.  Finally, Don convinces Hardley and exit the stage.
 

B.  [Play the "Hook" CD.]
Capt. Crook and his side-kick Ed come out (Ed has his eye patch on his right eye).  Crook begins telling Ed how he has been looking for that map and its treasure for years, "And now they have found it for me.  All we have to do is get rid of those two goofy looking tourists, and the treasure will be all ours."  Ed says, "Yeah, the treasure will be ours."  After running into each other, Crook turns Ed around and they follow Don and Hardley off the stage.
 

C.  [Play the "Hawaii 5-0" CD.]
The two Hawaii 5-O agents, Dano and Chin, come sneaking out onto the stage and call up Steve Magarret on their walky-talkies.  (They are wearing jackets and dark sunglasses).  Chin tells Dano, "I have been chasing Crook and that treasure map for years, and now I have him."  He then tells Dano to call up Magarret to see if they should arrest him.

Dano: "Dano calling Magarret, do you copy Magarret? Over."
Magarret: "This is Magarret. Over."  (Magarret is just a voice over the sound system.)
Dano: "Chin and I have found Crook, and he knows where the map is.  Do we arrest him now?   Over."
Magarret: "Negative, I repeat, negative.  Wait until he gets the treasure.  Over."
Dano: "Roger Magarret.  Over and out."
Magarret: "My name isn't Roger Magarret, its Steve Magarret. Out."

The two agents look at each other, shrug their shoulders and like the others, they run into each other.  Chin turns Dano around, and they sneak off in the same direction as Crook and Ed.
[Play the "Hawaii 5-0" CD.]
 
Scene 2:
A.
Step by step, Don and Hardley come out counting ... "97, 98, 99, 100."  Don stops at 100 and Hardley runs into the back of him.  Don asks Hardley, "When will you ever learn how to count?"  Hardley tells him that he knows how to count, so Don asks him, "All right, if you have $5.00 in that pocket, and $10.00 in that pocket, what do you have?"  Hardley says, "Someone else's pants."  A Hawaiian girl then comes up on stage.  When Hardley sees her, he goes over to try and tell her something in Hawaiian.  "KOU  OHANA  HE  PUPULE HUHU   DAH MAKULE PANIOLO."  She slaps him and then leaves.   Hardley asks Don what he said, and Don tells him, "You told her that her family are crazy angry senior citizen cowboys."  Hardley shrugs his shoulders, and then continues to look around for the treasure.  After a minute of looking, they find a big yellow paper X on the floor along with another piece of paper with writing on it.  Hardley tries to read it but tells Don that it is written in some ancient Hawaiian language.  Don looks at the note and then turns it over telling Hardley he was reading it upside down.  As Hardley begins to read the note, they hear over the sound system the voice of the man who wrote the note.  (The Narrator stops momentarily as Don and Hardley look around and then at each other).  They look at the note again as the voice continues to read, "To find the hidden treasure, (the narrator stops while Don and Hardley look around) open up and see, you must go looking on the highest palm tr..."  (The note is ripped).  Hardley gets upset that the last word is torn off, but Don calms him down by telling him that it is the word tree.  Hardley tells Don, "Mom always did say you had all the brains."  Then quietly under his breath, "And I have all the looks."

Just then Capt. Crook and Ed come out (Ed has his patch on his left eye). When Hardley sees him, he jumps into Don's arms, and once again Don drops him to the ground.  Crook and Ed then hold up Don and Hardley and tell them that they want the map.   Hardley hides the map behind his back, playing around with Crook and switching hands.  Hardley, who is standing by the main mast, tells Crook that they hid the map under the main mast.  Crook asks, "What's a main mast?"  Hardley looks at the kids and says laughingly, "You mean you don't know what a main mast is?"  Crook then says, "I wouldn't know a main mast even if it hit you on the head."  (The main mast hits Hardley on the head.)  Then Ed repeats Crook and says, "Yeah, he wouldn't know a main mast even if it hit you on the head."  (Again the mast hits Hardley on the head).  Hardley then says, "Now you done made me mad."  Finally Crook holds a gun on Hardley and Hardley yells, "Look behind you!"  Crook and Ed look back.  The lights go out and the strobe light and chase music come on as Crook and Ed begin to chase Don and Hardley around and finally off stage.
(I would again advise you to practice running with a strobe light.  It is more difficult than
you would think.  We have Ed chase Hardley, and Crook chase Don.)

B.
The Hawaii 5-0 agents sneak out hiding behind fake trees.  They discuss with each other what to do, and then decide to call up Magarret.  (While they are talking to each other, they say things like, "Hey, where are you?"  "I'm over behind the tree."  "Oh yea, good disguise.")

Chin: "Chin to Magarret, do you copy Magarret?  Over."
Magarret:  "This is Magarret. Over."
Chin: "We have followed Crook to Wykeekee beach, and he has almost found the treasure.  Do you want us to arrest him now? Over."
Magarret: "Negative, I repeat, negative.  Do not arrest him until he gets the treasure. Over."
Chin: "Roger Magarret. Over and out."
Magarret: "I told you, my name is not Roger Magarret, its Steve Magarret.  Out."

The two agents shrug their shoulders and then sneak off stage.
 
Scene 3:
A.
Before coming out, we hear Hardley ask Don if the coast is clear.  Don says, "Yes," so they both come out wearing a fake nose and glasses.  Hardley finds a glass of water and  begins to drink it saying, "Boy, this water tastes great!"  Don asks if he can have some too, but Hardley refuses to share.  Don tells him, "Come on Hardley, let me have it."  Hardley asks, "What did you say?"  And Don repeats, "Let me have it!"  So Hardley lets Don have it.  He throws the glass of water at Don.  Hardley laughs, and starts talking to the kids in the audience.  Mocking Don, Hardley repeats what he said, "'Let me have it.  Let me have it.'  I let him have it all right."  While Hardley is talking to the kids, Don finds a bucket and starts to chase Hardley.  He chases Hardley off the stage and all the way around the sanctuary.  Hardley stops in front of the stage and begs for forgiveness, telling Don that he is sorry and that he is the greatest brother in the world, but Don throws it at him anyway.  (The bucket is only filled with confetti).  This time Don laughs, and starts talking to the kids in the audience.  Mocking Hardley, Don repeats what he said, "Please, please, I am sorry, you are the greatest brother in the world.'"  While Don is talking, Hardley grabs another bucket (filled with candy) and throws it at Don who is standing in front of the kids.  Don ducks and the candy goes out into the audience.  (Stop here and give a piece of candy to all the kids who didn’t get one).  They go back up to the stage and reread the note they had found about finding the treasure on the highest tree.  After finding the highest palm tree, Hardley tells Don to get on his back so he can reach the treasure.  As Don tries to get on Hardley's back, they both fall down, so they decide to trade places.  Hardley then tries to get on Don's back, but Hardley covers Don's eyes so he can't see.  As they stumble around the stage, because Don is unable to see, Hardley is screaming in fear.  After much effort, and hopefully laughter from the kids, they finally get to the top of the tree and find another note.  Don asks Hardley if he got the note.  When Hardley answers yes, Don drops him.  Don grabs the note from Hardley and begins to read it when the voice interrupts them again and reads it over the sound system.  (When they hear the voice, they stop and look around trying to figure out where the voice is coming from).  "Now you know, the treasure ain't in a tree.  But maybe, just maybe it is down by the sea."  Just then Crook and Ed come out.   (Ed has his patch on his right eye.)  Hardley sees them and again tries to jump into Don's arms, but Don won't catch him so he falls to the ground.  Don asks Ed, "Wasn't your patch on your other eye last time?"  Ed says, "What patch?"  Ed then looks at the kids and shrugs his shoulders.  Crook holds them up again, but this time Hardley pulls out a gun of his own and tells Crook to drop his.

Crook:  "Who are you?"
Hardley:  "My name is Magarret."
Crook:  "Magarret huh?"
Hardley: "Roger."
Crook: "That's funny, I don't know a Roger Magarret, but I do know a Steve Magarret."
Hardley:  "Oh, funny man eh?  Do you write your own material?  Now drop your gun."

Crook does what he says and drops his gun.  Don asks Crook, "How does it feel to have the shoe on the other foot?"  Hardley bends down and looks at Crook's feet, "His shoes are on the right feet Don."  Hardley then gets up, scares Crook and Ed some more with his gun, and then squirts the two of them in the face.  Crook looks at Ed and says, "It's just a squirt gun, get him!"  The house lights go out and the strobe light and music come on as Crook and Ed begin to chase Don and Hardley around the room and then out.  (During the chase, Ed chases Hardley around until Hardley grabs a bat and begins to chase Ed around.  Ed then finds a bigger bat and chases Hardley around and then finally off stage).
 

B.
The two agents come out dressed as hula girls.  Dano tells Chin, "You actually make a pretty cute girl."  Chin threatens him, and then they begin to discuss what they should do about Crook.  They decide to call Magarret again.

Dano: "Dano to Magarret, do you copy Magarret?  Over."
Magarret: "This is Magarret.  Over."
Dano:  "We have followed Crook to the north side of the island.  Should we arrest him now?  Over."
Magarret: "Negative, I repeat, negative.  Wait until he finds the treasure.  Over."
Dano:  "Roger Magarret. Over and out."
Magarret: "I'm telling you, my name is not Roger, it is Steve.  Out."

The agents sneak off stage in opposite direction, wait for about 3 seconds, and then go back the way Crook and Ed went.