RULES

One fun thing we do with the rules is have different puppets or characters come out and go over the rules with their own words and personalities.  It gives you a fun way to reinforce something that is not always fun, but important.  I personally like to keep it down the three rules, but will occasionally go with a fourth if it is called for.
 
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A. The rules we use in Children’s Church are:
1. Don’t talk while the teacher is talking.
2.  Keep your hands and feet to yourself.
3.  Participate.
4.  Stay in your seat.
B. Leroy is a puppet with a Southern accent.  He comes out and does the rules in his own Southern country style.  His rules go something like this:
1. Don’t ya be-a talkin whilest the teacher be-a talkin.
2.  Ya’ll be-a keepin em hands N foots to your'n self.
3.  Ya’ll be-a doin whats we be-a doin.
C. Albert the BRAIN comes out the next week and does the rules.  He complains about the improper use of English, and boasts that his are the correct and most understandably simple rules.  Albert is too smart for his own good.  His rules are as follows:
1. Please do not converse during instructional periods.  (“What could be more simple to understand than that?” says Albert.)
2.  Please refrain from improper use of appendages.
3.  Please enthusiastically partake in activities.
Here are some of the complaints Albert has when he does the rules the week after Leroy.
1.
Don’t ya be-a talkin whilest the teacher be-a talkin?  What kind of speech is this?  First of all, there is no need for the auxiliary verb 'be' here.  Secondly, 'a' is a Scottish pre-verb.  Are any of you from Scotland?  Thirdly, where is the 'g' sound at the end of talking?   Now, whilest the word whilest is a proper word, it is an archaic obsolete usage society hasn't used since the 1600's !!! The teacher be-a? Again with the auxiliary verb and Scottish pre-verb.  Please people.  Talkin? I cannot comprehend the refusal to vocalize the "G".  It is "talking" not "talkin".
2.  Ya’ll be-a keepin em hands N foots to your'n self.  Please, the plural subjective of you is simply "you".  Be a?  Again with the Auxiliary verb and Scottish pre-verb.  Keepin?  Enunciate people.  How many times to I have to tell you to please articulate correctly.  Is that too much to ask?  The word 'em' is 3rd person plural personal, you need the 2nd person plural possessive.  Hello?  Hands N foots?  Come on people, the plural of foot is feet, and I can't even begin to comment on 'n'.  Your'n self?  I will have to admit, your'n self is proper English, but only if you live in the 15th century !!!
3.  Ya’ll be-a doin whats we be-a doin.  Ya'll is a substandard expression.  Be a doin?  Again with the auxiliary verb and Scottish pre-verb.  Whats?  What, may I ask is a whats?  This hurts my huge brain.  Obviously we'ins is colloquial, and as such, substandard.  be a doin?  You said it again, a completely flawed construct.
D. Freddy is a lovable monster puppet who uses few words.  His rules go like this:
1. Don't talk.
2.  Don’t touch.
3.  Join in.
E. Dog is a dog.  He gives the rules through the eyes of a dog.  A dog command is usually one or two words.  His rules are as follows:
1. No barking.  (No talking.)
2.  Stay. (Tell the boys and girls to stay.  Its funny, they will.)
3.  Wag your tail.  (Have fun and participate.  Dogs wag their tails when they are excited.)
F. Ned is a loveable puppet who forgets everything.  His rules are simple but fun:
1. I forgot.
2.  I forgot.
3.  OK, I remember this one.  It is, ummm, I forgot.
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